Top 36 first blood part 2 - this time it's personal

Group two has sung and all I can say is I continue to be thoroughly underwhelmed. After last week I honestly thought it couldn't get much worse but I was wrong. So very wrong. More horrible "what were they thinking?" song choices led to more bad singing which led to me scratching my head and thinking Simon was being, on the whole, too kind. We'll have to wait for tonight to see how America did, but here's how I scored 'em:

Jasmine Murray

Bad song choice leads inevitably to disaster. She almost pulls it out a bit in the bridge but sings ugly and only manages to beat the living shit out of Sara Bareilles' "Love Song", which even that crappy tune doesn't deserve (I personally favor the Kids Bop version).

Grade: D

Matt Giraud

Chooses a weird song for him and informs the judges that this is the kind of music he sees himself doing. Good luck with that. He sings it weak and his only hope at this point is a wild card spot based on his Hell week performances.

Grade: C-

Jeanine Vailes

Sure she can crush a human skull like a walnut between her thighs but her vocals are horrendous! Another bad song choice and a pitchy performance. Ugh.

Grade: D

Norman Gentle

Boldly does the only thing he can do to give him any shot of getting through and hams it up to magnificent effect. Sure he blows the vocals, but the performance is top notch and probably one of the best things I've seen on Idol ever! Simon pleads with the American public not to let Norman through so his only shot at this point is probably the Vote For The Worst people. I seriously want to see this dude make it into the top 12 just to see what he does week after week - it would be like the entertaining version of Sanjaya! My grade in this case is for overall entertainment value (and getting Seacrest to nearly snap and secrete a little dose of venom).



Grade: B-

Allison Irahetta

Chooses a big song and almost totally slays it. She still sings the shit out of Heart's "Alone" easily winning the title of best performance of the night. If America doesn't vote her through then America is retarded.

Grade: B+

Kris Allen

Oh no! Not MJ!!!! Isn't someone telling these kids not to choose these kiss-of-death songs? Like some kind of vocal director or something? There should be. For everyones sake! The judges (other than Kara) like him. I agree with Kara.

Grade: C-

Megan Corkrey

Hot mom picks a good song but struggles a little and the performance is slightly awkward. Still clearly head and shoulders above most of the field. She better get the third spot for fear of losing yet another hottie. Come on America! Do we really want an ugly top 12? I know I don't. If she misses the cut, look for her as a wild card contender, as the judges are fond of licking her taint.

Grade: B-

Matt "Bald Bull" Breitzke

"Me sing kinda boring Tonic song. Judges no like song choice. No lick taint. Me no care. Me love Tonic! Me sing song again if me have chance! Me grind Simon's limey bones to make me bread! America vote for me if America know what good for it! Me go listen to Tonic CD and cry now."

Grade: C

Jesse Langseth

Oh shit! Half of her sweater fell off! That's gotta be awkward on live tv. She sings okay in kind of a laid-back old school manner. Bad ending. Forgettable.

Grade: C+

Kai Kalama

Serviceable but forgettable. Sings a throwbacky song and seems to be lacking in energy. Maybe try not taking a blunt to the dome next time, bra! For now I think you'll be hangin' ten back to San Clamente to toke up with your sick mom. Buuuuummmmerrrr.

Grade: C

Mishavonna Henson

Handles the verse but struggles with the hook of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" as if she can't quite figure out how she wants to sing it. Good in the low register, Mishavonna's obvious weak point is the higher stuff which could be a big problem for her. That said, she could easily find her way into a wild card spot.

Grade: C+

Adam Lambert

Juice Box's least favorite contestant (for whatever totally random reason) makes an iffy song choice and manages to pull out a pretty good performance. The arrangement is great, showcasing his range and ambitious vocal style. I particularly dug the funky breakdown (although he never quite got into the right vocal groove during that section) and the slow burn intro. At the end of the day I agree with Simon that the song had moments of greatness alternating with moments of lameness as Adam shows that he definitely has chops but fails to hit a complete homerun.

Grade: B+


So there you have it, kids! Another overall disappointing night of karaoke and another fairly easy pick as to who is gonna make it into the Top 12. My official prediction is as follows:

Top Dude: Adam Lambert
Top Chick: Allison Irahetta
Runner Up: Megan Corkrey
(with Norman gentle, Jesse Langseth and Mishavonna as possible spoilers)

Stay tuned for YOUR grade, America!

From Crazies to Dirty Feet

Well boys and girls Jacksonville has finally proved to be a place where pussies and inappropriate doll makers gather.

The video I last posted is no longer working because the doll, made in the likeliness of a toddler who was killed, is no longer for sale. The people have spoken! Outraged by the outrageous doll, Showbiz Promotions buried their head in the sand and suspended all sales. I gotta say I'm shocked. In the era of the Barack Obama golden coin I was sure this doll would sell out. Well, Jacksonville you have restored a bit of my faith in the American people. Unfortunately, not in the American singer.

The last time I saw that much crying I was 16 at the opening of Titanic, and yes, it was me.

Sharon Wilbur and her dog Sasha made it to Hwood and I don't know how. I mean she sang OK, except when she was singing baby. It was like her mouth couldn't pronounce the word. It sounded babay or baaabaay. I wonder if she ever lived with Mr. Murder? I did and am just now able to use the word. But she is obviously obsessed with her dog and that's annoying. I mean it's a dumb lap dog! It would be different if she had cats and they do tricks -- like me!


We shall see if this dog lovin' already attempted an album Floridian makes it past Hollywood Hell Week.


Young Janet Jackson look-a-like, Jasmine Murray was great! Finally we are able to see someone that can actually sing! She's cute and likable, it will be hard for Mr. Murder to slam this one.....


Now on to Salt Lake City.......

The audition that sticks out in my head the most is Frankie Jordon. HATE HER! This Amy Winehouse imitator wowed the judges and I just can't understand. What happened to originality? There is nothing original about copying someone who is! Besides all that, AMY FUCKING WINEHOUSE! All we need is one. I learned this lesson when I was a fan of Taylor Hicks, we already have one or two of those and we don't need no more!!!! I hope she doesn't make it past Hell Week, it will be just like that raspy voiced chick from last year, one trick poney! I'm hating on you fake Amy!!

It seems like everyone in Salt Lake City is a fucking mom. Fake Amy is and so is tattoo arm. Difference? Tattoo was actually good.








This 22 year-old mother has a pretty sweet sleeve tattoo, which is conveniently hidden in this pic. However, she has an original voice, hot, a divorcee and has a bad ass tattoo. GO Megan Corkrey!


I think they would make a good fantasy match up. Maybe they can have their kids fight. That's exactly what season 8 is missing. A good ol' fashion...

BABY FIGHT!!!

And then there is sissy-boy-class-president Austin Siseros. This guy! What a wuss! He's hard at work leading the his fellow students down a path of boring adulthood. Nice song pics buddy, way to be 35 in a 17 year-old body. The only thing that's saving you is you kinda remind me of Will Stronghold which in turn, reminds me of "I'll go to jail for you my son." So you're safe for now. Just stop being a walking vagina and you'll do ok.









I'll sum it up with two that I think I'll remember. Taylor Vaifanua, the 17-year-old amazon. She did justice to Joyful Joyful and will make it past Hollywood Week for sure. Then there's the cute little hippie chick Rose Flack. Yes, she has extremely dirty feet and probably smells but she's cute and sings well. Good luck little hippie.

















Thursday promises the last 2 cities of auditions, just in time for Hollywood Week, starting Tuesday! Who will make it? Who will be sent home ashamed and broken? Time will tell. One thing is certain, the crying will continue.