Idol Threats is a comedic web log dedicated to the world's greatest karaoke smackdown, American Idol. Idol Threats will come to you in the form of an avenging Randy Jackson, draped in purple velvet and sporting the majestic wings of a seraphim (and the sweet flat top from his days in Journey), and it will strike you down with great aplomb - for you were a little pitchy, dog.
That's right everyone the big Q Dogg will be on Idol tonight! It's move song week so I guess Q is the man for the job!? I know he's a huge fan of AI, it should be a fun week.
I'm hoping Lil gets a good song under her belt. She needs a good week. Anoop may also be in trouble, he's occupied the bottom three more times than anyone else who is left. I love you Anoop Dawg but I think this might be it buddy. I hope you bring it my SON!
Lambert will most likely rock opera it out, AGAIN, to some song he will brilliantly scream out for all America to enjoy. And enjoy they will because they don't know any better and the judges are having a hard time with getting their heads out of his booty hole!
I'm looking forward to Kris with a K. He is getting better with every week. At first I wasn't diggin on him all that much but he's steppin it up yo!
Ok kids, AI is just hours away and we will soon see how it all goes down. I hope well, otherwise AI fan Big Q might be upset...
I do not recall if I called the contestants out for lip singing before but they were. This week they decided to go raw dog and actually sing the ridiculous song the producers chose for the 8 contestants to sing. First off, it's almost always horrible to have 8 'amateur' contestants sing a non-group song together while prancing around the stage. Not that I would prefer the fake singing, that's just as horrible but even more insulting. What I want is either the entire segment canned completely OR live singing to songs that better suit multiple singers. AND each of them have a part of the song. I don't need to see them, or hear for that matter, sing together. Must I once again remind everyone that this is a competition!? An individual competition, so the fact that you can sing with someone else is not important to the show, right? So why are we forced to see these weird minutes of group song time each and every week? I understand the stupid Ford commercial, they are sponsor whores, but what is with this stupid group song thing? It ain't working no mo!
So long Scott MacIntyre, it was a great run. We'll miss you but like Simon said, the sofa held a bit more talent. I give you mad props you for causing Seacrest to be embarrassed TWICE! In case you have forgotten this awesomeness here's a couple of photos to jog your memory.
Here we see Seacrest trying to give Scott a congratulatory hi-five, not rememberingBlindy is Blind, Seacrest is left hanging...
Just when he thought the painful embarrassment was behind him, Blindy comes at him with a stationary hi-five. You go Blindy, America Loves you.
One of my favorite moments of the night was the awkward one shared between Miss Pickler and Miss Seacrest. Miss P is not the sharpest pencil in the throat, but Miss S totally made that situation confusing for the poor girl! And how rude! Seacrest basically was all, "It's not all about you Pickler! Get out da stage!" I think he was just jealous over Simon's affections. Understandable. Her singing was kinda awkward as well, it seemed that everytime she tried to open her eyes wide then went crossed.
....!!!!!!BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!....
Kelly Pickler just gave birth to a baby monkey! Congrats to the new mom! Despite boyfriend Bix yelling, "Worst week ever," it was a good week. We are getting down to the wire and only 2 more chances for a save. INTENSE!
I guess it's that time of year again, the Idoldrums as I call them. Happens every season around this time, the initial excitement o the new season wears off but we're still not quite down to the nitty gritty where fav's are voted off, Paula ups the self medication and some form of scandal sends shock waves coursing through Seacrest's body like a pounding from Moby Dick (the great white penis he is always chasing). Lucky for us a gust of fresh reality has blown in to push us through the Idol's sargasso malaise! I call this mighty wind Top Chef Masters!!! That's right sister! I just went there!!! Bravo announced today the complete details of it's long awaited Top Chef Masters series and it's going to be as Padma said "Totally fucking balls dude!". I concur. TCM starts June 10 and will feature 24 of America's most well known chefs. The judges will include all the past Top Chef winners, Neil Patrick Harris, the writers from "Lost", some other people and some other people also... other then NPH I don't really care. Set your DVRs mother fuckers, this shit is on!
This blog is written in real time. Real time as the time I'm watching it, not the HBO show or originally aired (but close).
Kara - 1970: Nice babysitting me comment. Nice way to lay blame on Simon because you happened to be an ugly baby. Paula and Simon are clearly the best looking babes. Kara's attempt to be funny but it's just not working. Lay low for awhile, give me time to like you again...
Gokey - 1980: That is a family full of cheese and so is this version of Stand by Me. Stand by Me meets disco, meets Gokey, meets kiss ass judges, meet next week. His voice is getting a little whinny for me. Since when is a bad arrangement a good thing? I'll give it an OK.
Boyfriend Bix - 1981: was completely shocked when Simon told Paula, "I can't stand you." I however, thought it Simon's true feeling about Gokey's cheese. I hear you Simon.
Kris with a K - 1985: Oh no! Got better towards the end. The arrangement was awful! He's a hottie, he ain't goin nowheres.
Lil Rounds - 1984: Finally she picked a decent song but it was weird. I love that Lil gives good responses to Seacrest and non favorable judge comments.
Anoop - 1986:I was digging the intro, nice way to stay true to the theme of the song. That made it special just like a rainbow. Oh and they are right, never apologize. It's too late anyway...
Blindy - 1985: He plays the guitar! I've heard him sing this song before, every fucking week. I think it's time he goes home. I kinda over the nervous Mikey Mouse laugh. It was pitchey dawg...pitchey.
Allison - 1992: Great song! A single tear has collected in my eye. I want her to win! Paula got it right on! Allison and Matt G should be in the finals.
Matt - 1985: He sounds so much like J-Tim and I liked it! Like I just said, finals! The judges have been told to keep it short! HaHa. I told you Kara talked too much.
Lamby - 1982: Ironic he was born the same year as I. I find it kinda funny and kinda sad that American Idol contestants who ripped off other artist original remakes of songs get mad props.
BTW - 19??: Respect for Simon has just dropped to the depths of hell. How dare you stand up! Allison and Matt blew Lamby out of the water! I call shenanigans!
We are down to the Top 8 and boy, what a goofy 8 they are. The last weeks in March we lost Alexis and Megan, leaving only 2 females to battle it out with the boys. In case you missed how Megan left the Idol stage....
Thank God squawking, arm flapping, I sing everything the same Megan Joy is out! I could hardly stand her squawking like a bird any longer! Though I started out liking Megan, her recent show of personality turned me off completely. I especially did not appreciate her lack of interest in getting the boot. Megan, you should have kept your childlike faces and movements to yourself and then maybe, MAYBE you could have walked off that stage with some respect.
Speaking of respect, Kara is loosing mine. I mean, some of her comments puts Paula's to shame. Actually since Kara has joined the AI team o' judges Paula has really stepped it up. It is clear she remembers all the songs each contestant has sang and that is a difficult task if you are on a truck load of pills like we all suspect. I must say I'm becoming an Abdul fan. Go Paula!
Back to DioGuardi, her comments are not all worthal, some of them are decent. The major problem is in presentation. It's always a good idea to think before you start talking. I'm a victim of this, I know how it goes. You start to say something and realize you lost direction and in an attempt to save yourself you keep talking, as you search for the right words that will magically make all that you said make sense. Take some advice and just stop flapping those lips when this happens. We will all be better for it.
This week we will see the contestants perform songs from the year they were born. The breakdown is as follows:
I'm looking forward to this some rockin' 80s this week. Especially can't wait for Lamby to do himself an injustice by turning yet another song into a rock opera. Let's see you do something else dude! I get it, you can sing real well but really? REALLY!? Change it up son. I supposed you wont this week. I can see it know Lamby screaming the shit out of I love Rock 'N Roll or Tainted Love. I'm holding my breath for Maneater.
Hello people, again I would like to apologize for the lack of posts of late. I thought since the last time Mr. Murder posted was March 5th, he would have least did this blog justice and posted something! Here's another statistic speaking to Murder's negligence: the Goon has posted American Idol Kitten Edition 1 and 2 since the last time we heard from the Murder man.
I guess I will just have to carry this blog on my own, and hopefully an occasional hilarious Goon post will pop up.
Though I am extremely busy at the moment I will do my best to stay on top of this from now on. I'll post again before the night is through with an over all update on the AI front. We'll go over the ridiculousness surrounding Megan's departure, the 4th judge and much much more. Oh and of course I have much to say about my dear friend Lamby. Stay tuned kids!!!
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