Last night we were treated to more poor song choices, wasted potential and mediocrity but here's the good news - it was the best group so far! Although there were a good amount of duds there were fewer of the heinously low points of the past two weeks and, dare I say it, actually a couple of high points. Let's get down to the grading process, shall we?
Von Smith
Showing a bit more restraint than in previous outings, Von turns in a respectable but thoroughly forgettable performance.
Grade: C-
Return of the Colossal Beast
Takes a shot at Alicia Keys' "If I Aint Got You" and misses the mark, turning in an overtly boring product. She followed that up by messily devouring eight human toddlers.
Grade: D+
Takes a shot at Alicia Keys' "If I Aint Got You" and misses the mark, turning in an overtly boring product. She followed that up by messily devouring eight human toddlers.
Grade: D+
Alex Wagner-Trugman
Falling somewhere in between Anthony Michael Hall in 16 Candles and John Cryer in Pretty In Pink, Alex was sadly missing a Molly Ringwald to his spastic nerd - achieving only the title of "Anti-Joy Ramone" by sucking ass and awkwardly knocking over the mic stand.
Grade: F+
Falling somewhere in between Anthony Michael Hall in 16 Candles and John Cryer in Pretty In Pink, Alex was sadly missing a Molly Ringwald to his spastic nerd - achieving only the title of "Anti-Joy Ramone" by sucking ass and awkwardly knocking over the mic stand.
Grade: F+
Ariana Asfar
Blows it in just about every way possible. Horrific song choice. Horrific execution. I guess its back to babysitting the elderly for little Ariana.
Grade: D
Blows it in just about every way possible. Horrific song choice. Horrific execution. I guess its back to babysitting the elderly for little Ariana.
Grade: D
Ju'Not Joyer
Takes a perfectly good uptempo song and ruins it by needlessly turning it into a ballad, much to my chagrin. That said, he sings his version well but will undoubtedly be lost in the shuffle with the wild card round as his only possible respite.
Grade: C+
Takes a perfectly good uptempo song and ruins it by needlessly turning it into a ballad, much to my chagrin. That said, he sings his version well but will undoubtedly be lost in the shuffle with the wild card round as his only possible respite.
Grade: C+
Kristen McNamara
Pornstar-in-training, Kristen does a serviceable but totally karaoke style job covering Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason", which isn't that surprising providing the fact that she is a karaoke host in her normal life. Probably has little-to-no shot at making it through which is a bummer cuz I think she's totally hot.
Grade: C+
Pornstar-in-training, Kristen does a serviceable but totally karaoke style job covering Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason", which isn't that surprising providing the fact that she is a karaoke host in her normal life. Probably has little-to-no shot at making it through which is a bummer cuz I think she's totally hot.
Grade: C+
Nate Marshall
What can be said about this crying, spineless douche that hasn't already been covered on the show itself? His song choice was sketchy at best and his predictably awkward rearrangement of "I Would Do Anything For Love" successfully edited the song from around 9 minutes to around a minute and a half, but that's about it. Laaaaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee.
Grade: D-
What can be said about this crying, spineless douche that hasn't already been covered on the show itself? His song choice was sketchy at best and his predictably awkward rearrangement of "I Would Do Anything For Love" successfully edited the song from around 9 minutes to around a minute and a half, but that's about it. Laaaaaaaaammmmmmeeeeee.
Grade: D-
Felicia Barton
Although Felicia appears to have lost some weight since the early audition rounds, she still has the look of a world class fellatio artist. She has a great voice as well and sings well but due to the song choice the whole affair is a little over the top and shouty. Still well above most of the field.
Grade: B
Although Felicia appears to have lost some weight since the early audition rounds, she still has the look of a world class fellatio artist. She has a great voice as well and sings well but due to the song choice the whole affair is a little over the top and shouty. Still well above most of the field.
Grade: B
Blindey!
Scott sings a lame adult contempo song (who's his advisor - Anoop?) fairly well. He will get through due in equal measure to Simon's Jedi mind trick and America's collective guilt.
Scott sings a lame adult contempo song (who's his advisor - Anoop?) fairly well. He will get through due in equal measure to Simon's Jedi mind trick and America's collective guilt.
"you WILL vote for the blind guy, America."
Grade: C+
Grade: C+
Kendall Beard
Country musics last hope on the Idol stage turns in a thoroughly disappointing turn. Good luck in the wild card round, cowgirl!
Grade: D+
Country musics last hope on the Idol stage turns in a thoroughly disappointing turn. Good luck in the wild card round, cowgirl!
Grade: D+
Jorge Nunez
Latino Heat brings us easily the best male performance of the evening with his near perfect rendition of the huge song "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me". Will he have enough ethnic flavor to battle past the blind master AND Simon's insidious mind control powers? We'll find out tonight.
Grade: B+
Latino Heat brings us easily the best male performance of the evening with his near perfect rendition of the huge song "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me". Will he have enough ethnic flavor to battle past the blind master AND Simon's insidious mind control powers? We'll find out tonight.
Grade: B+
Lil Rounds
Like we didn't see this one coming. Lil kills it and assures herself an easy ride into the top 12, dashing the dreams of every other girl in the group in the process. This is what Idol is all about, people! Black chicks with big asses and bigger voices wiping the floor with a potent concoction of shattered dreams and wasted potential.
Grade: A-
My official picks are as follows:
Lil Rounds
Blindey
Jorge Nunez
(possible spoilers: Felicia Barton, Ju'Not Joyner, Kristen McNamara)
Don't fail me, America. Not again. Not now.
Like we didn't see this one coming. Lil kills it and assures herself an easy ride into the top 12, dashing the dreams of every other girl in the group in the process. This is what Idol is all about, people! Black chicks with big asses and bigger voices wiping the floor with a potent concoction of shattered dreams and wasted potential.
Grade: A-
My official picks are as follows:
Lil Rounds
Blindey
Jorge Nunez
(possible spoilers: Felicia Barton, Ju'Not Joyner, Kristen McNamara)
Don't fail me, America. Not again. Not now.
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