Lee's Moist Balls

So first I must apologize (whether or not it's too late) for my extended absence here in Blogsville. Sometime around Sinatra week I decided to pick up and cruise to Vegas in order to capture the spirit of the real Frank (who would obviously not be caught dead watching reality television - especially Idol season 9). It was a weekend filled with dirty sex, copious drug use complimentary ice cream and rampant unchecked alcohol consumption. Basically I was blacked out for three days straight.
When I finally came to I realized that I had missed like, two whole weeks of AI! The fact that I was neither bummed nor worried is a testament to the shitty nature of this season and a reminder of why we are over it and ready to move on (like warrior-poet, Simon Cowell).
Never fear though, I'm back and ready to finish the blog and the season out strong! Let's tale a look at the shitty top 3, who were as underwhelming as ever last night whilst fighting it out for the two remaining spots.

Casey
Round 1 - some bullshit I've never heard of
This song was the balls. He sang it alright but it was the opitome of boring and forgettable. Way to blow it, Casey.

Round 2 - some John Mayer song I don't care about
Like all John Mayer songs, this would have been appropriate as the soundtrack to a date rape.

Bowersox
Round 1 - Some lesbian shit
Probably the most obvious song choice ever as Bowersox wants desperately to be Melissa Ethridge. Therefore, kinda boring.

Round 2 - some genderbending Paul McCartney bologna
She rocked out but it was distracting that she was referring to herself as a man in almost every lyric. Way to push the lesbian agenda, Ellen.

Lee
Round 1 - some racist southern rock bullshit
This song was racist and lame but the judges acted like it was genius. Ugh.

Round 2 - some judge teabaggery
After resorting to some overly dramatic choir stage antics, the judges get in line to suck Lee's balls with all the subtlety of a gang o' great whites in the midst of a feeding frenzy. After this, Lee's balls were so clean you could eat dinner off of them.

It's obviously gonna be Lee vs. Bowersox in the finale. Who will win? Who cares? Not me. Let's just get on with it and stop the bleeding already. Yeesh.

Last 5...just 5? Still!?

I must start this blog post with this comment: Harry Connick Jr. is a babe.

Bad Satan, I've been lustin' after him since I was a wee babe myself! He is one fine piece of man meat and I'd like to.....give him a great big hug! Get your mind outta the gutter! I wasn't going to say I want to lock him in a room equipped with a fireplace, a swing, some chains, lots of pillows and a few snacks for 3 weeks. I'd never say that...

OK. So American Idol has been sucking giant donkey balls this year, we all know this. However, this week has the potential for greatness. After all the contestants have great Sinatra songs to sing and Harry Connick Jr. backing them up, literally! With that said, I have a sinking feeling that this shits gonna be fucked up...here we go:

Ryan hopes America learned our lesson after Magnus was sent home!?!? Give me a break little Ryan, she had to get gone. I don't know if he ever watched the show before but usually people get kicked off once a week. Towards the end good singers will get the boot because after all, it is a competition folks! (not a very good one but a competition none the less)

Aaron Kelly

Fly me to the moon

More like fly me outta here! Boring, thought one of his best.

Kara – I agree with you but shut up...just cant take it anymore.

Casey James

Blue Skies

First time without the git-tar. He can kinda sing! Totally needs to work on holding a note, it was a bit shaky. His awkward ass actually might go home. I think he needs the git-tar to know where he is at in the song. He didn’t know where to start with HCJ because his git-tar is missing! It's never good when the mentor calls you out for not being that good.

Crystal Bowersox

Summer Wind

One of my favorite songs ever! She did good, sounded like she fell off the melody for a few seconds but still a solid performance.

Big Mike

The way you look tonight

Killed it. I have heard that songs a and a million times million different ways, he fucking killed it!!!!!! One of my favorite versions of the song, (my other favorite is on the soundtrack on of my Best Friends Wedding. Great song, great performance, great soundtrack)

Lee DeBallSac

That's Life

I hope he gets shot down in May and don’t make it back on top in June. Honestly I didn’t like it at all. Not at all, NOT-AT-ALL. Everyone is trippin, at first I thought I was trippin, cause the last few weeks he sounded OK but after this performance I know I am right. And again – KARA SHUT THE FUCK UP- I agree with you but still – SHUT THE FUCK UP! Enough already. I think she should just be allowed to say yes or no. If she has more to say she should write them down and have Ellen read them for her.

Ok I think James is going home. I wish the judges and the world would remove their mouth’s from Lee's scrotum and send him packing.

P.S. Lee if you ever read this and I do meet you, take it easy dawg. No one reads this shit.

Sinatra Cha Cha Cha!:

Boy how I love me some Sinatra!
I just hope the remaining 5 do him justice. There are so many good songs to choose from. Most all of Sinatra's songs are more than wonderful or great! I mean, way better then that square Tony Bennett. If I was on Idol I'd sing That's Life or Domani or Christmas Dreaming or Strangers in the Night or All the Way or This Town.

If you can't tell I am totally excited about Sinatra week on American Idol. I am also really excited to see the end of this awful season. It will be soon my sons. Oh, and I'm also really, really excited about our 100th blog post! That's right, we've been around for awhile. We've had some good times and some bad, some funny and some sad...

Well folks, I guess that's it for this week. Although I have a feeling I'm forgetting something....
I mentioned how I love Old Blue Eye's, how Idol sucks, how the blog rocks...what could I possibly be leaving out...
Magnus!
How could I forget about her!? Perhaps because she played herself out and America was bored, after all they all still have Adam Lambert. She screamed her last scream and now she is no more.
It's a bit of a shame, she is obvI a great singer. I think most of America feels like I do: at first I didn't like her, then I really liked her, now I'm between those 2 extremes. And that my firend is not enough to stay on Idol. I leave you with an old school photo of our Siobhan Magnus, before the Idol stylist got a hold of her and Sanjia-ed her out.

Nice outfit.