So first I must apologize (whether or not it's too late) for my extended absence here in Blogsville. Sometime around Sinatra week I decided to pick up and cruise to Vegas in order to capture the spirit of the real Frank (who would obviously not be caught dead watching reality television - especially Idol season 9). It was a weekend filled with dirty sex, copious drug use complimentary ice cream and rampant unchecked alcohol consumption. Basically I was blacked out for three days straight.
When I finally came to I realized that I had missed like, two whole weeks of AI! The fact that I was neither bummed nor worried is a testament to the shitty nature of this season and a reminder of why we are over it and ready to move on (like warrior-poet, Simon Cowell).
Never fear though, I'm back and ready to finish the blog and the season out strong! Let's tale a look at the shitty top 3, who were as underwhelming as ever last night whilst fighting it out for the two remaining spots.
Casey
Round 1 - some bullshit I've never heard of
This song was the balls. He sang it alright but it was the opitome of boring and forgettable. Way to blow it, Casey.
Round 2 - some John Mayer song I don't care about
Like all John Mayer songs, this would have been appropriate as the soundtrack to a date rape.
Bowersox
Round 1 - Some lesbian shit
Probably the most obvious song choice ever as Bowersox wants desperately to be Melissa Ethridge. Therefore, kinda boring.
Round 2 - some genderbending Paul McCartney bologna
She rocked out but it was distracting that she was referring to herself as a man in almost every lyric. Way to push the lesbian agenda, Ellen.
Lee
Round 1 - some racist southern rock bullshit
This song was racist and lame but the judges acted like it was genius. Ugh.
Round 2 - some judge teabaggery
After resorting to some overly dramatic choir stage antics, the judges get in line to suck Lee's balls with all the subtlety of a gang o' great whites in the midst of a feeding frenzy. After this, Lee's balls were so clean you could eat dinner off of them.
It's obviously gonna be Lee vs. Bowersox in the finale. Who will win? Who cares? Not me. Let's just get on with it and stop the bleeding already. Yeesh.
Round 1 - some bullshit I've never heard of
This song was the balls. He sang it alright but it was the opitome of boring and forgettable. Way to blow it, Casey.
Round 2 - some John Mayer song I don't care about
Like all John Mayer songs, this would have been appropriate as the soundtrack to a date rape.
Bowersox
Round 1 - Some lesbian shit
Probably the most obvious song choice ever as Bowersox wants desperately to be Melissa Ethridge. Therefore, kinda boring.
Round 2 - some genderbending Paul McCartney bologna
She rocked out but it was distracting that she was referring to herself as a man in almost every lyric. Way to push the lesbian agenda, Ellen.
Lee
Round 1 - some racist southern rock bullshit
This song was racist and lame but the judges acted like it was genius. Ugh.
Round 2 - some judge teabaggery
After resorting to some overly dramatic choir stage antics, the judges get in line to suck Lee's balls with all the subtlety of a gang o' great whites in the midst of a feeding frenzy. After this, Lee's balls were so clean you could eat dinner off of them.
It's obviously gonna be Lee vs. Bowersox in the finale. Who will win? Who cares? Not me. Let's just get on with it and stop the bleeding already. Yeesh.
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