The Good, The Bad and the Tonedeaf - Our take on the Top 24

Aaron Kelly

Mike: Elliot Yamin meets David Archuleta in a dark alley with a double-sided dildo and a jar of mayonnaise.

Serafina: I like this kid. However, he forgot the words! What about the rules, JUDGES!? I know one kid who never forgot – THADDEUS JOHNSON.

Jesse: Holds the mic like a dick.

Alex Lambert

Mike:despite the emo haircut, this dude is no relation to Adam Lambert, who would not be caught dead with a ukulele.

Serafina: Lame. Loose the ukulele and loose the name. LAMBERT IS ALREADY TAKEN AND YOU AIN’T AS GOOD AS HIM MY NON-FRIEND! I predict and hope we loose him in the first few rounds.

Jesse: Not Adam Lambert, still pretty gay.





Andrew Garcia


Mike: ghetto fabulous.

Serafina: He'll be in the top 10, “Straight Up!”

Jesse: Jason Mraz of the Mexican Mafia.






Ashley Rodriguez

Mike: every time I watch her sing I can't help but think about how she could easily fit like, four cocks in her mouth at once. That maw is huge!

Serafina: She coo. She also fine!

Jesse: Down’s syndrome? No. Prostitute? Maybe.






Casey James

Mike: can his steely eyes and roguish good looks take him all the way? Probably not (see: Jason Castro, season 7) but at least this dude can kinda play guitar.

Serafina: One of the top contenders for the guys. He’s one of the better singers but he’s also hot, and like last year, we know the vajaja’s rule the world. He’ll be stickin around if he don’t stick it in Kara first!

Jesse: Probably doesn’t listen to slayer. Fag.





Crystal Bowersox

Mike: will easily win over the tie-dye and birkenstocks crowd but will have trouble making her vintage sound "current".

Serafina: Yellow teeth will soon have white teeth cause this hip hippie will go-all-the-way. Maybe not the next American Idol but top 10 fer sure!

Jesse: Country, no. Rock, no. Sandwich, yes.





Didi Benami

Mike: she's pretty good and she's totally cute but this picture makes her look kind of like a strung-out pug.

Serafina: One of my favorites. I like her voice and her story; she just needs to stop the sobs.

Jesse: Not-so-quiet desperation. Bangable.






Haeley Vaughn

Mike: she may have an extraneous "e" in her name and a super scary grill but I'm rooting for her 'cause America needs more black chick pop-country artist, damnit!

Serafina: She’s alright. She might soon be the next Tiger Woods of country music but she wont be the next American Idol, I guarantee it!

Jesse: Black, so I assume she’s good.






Janell Wheeler

Mike: I honestly don't remember this chick. what did she sing? anybody? oh well. she's pretty hot I guess.

Serafina: Didi and Janell are about the same for me. However, Janell is more confident, therefore, I believe she will outlast Didi.

Jesse: The secret of her success? Seamen.





Jermaine Sellers

Mike: I like this guy, despite his unfortunate religiousness. Do you guys realize that the only male black Idol is fucking Ruben!? Obviously this needs to be remedied immediately.

Serafina: Thaddeus Johnson’s version of “Man in the Mirror” was better. I have nothing else to say.

Jesse: Interesting take on black faux hawk.





Joe Munoz

Mike: again, I don't remember this guy at all. Did they even show him during Hell week? He looks like the kind of guy that will sing lame adult contempo songs a la Anoop.

Serafina: I predict a similar fate as last year’s brown guy.

Jesse: Everybody loves Raymundo? Terrible mustache.






John Park

Mike: I'm still not convinced he isn't in deep cover on some secret Yakuza assassination assignment.

Serafina: Easy Peasy Japanesey

Jesse: Probably Korean.





Katelyn Epperly

Mike: thoroughly underwhelming.

Serafina: Great hair! Curly is always the best!

Jesse: Loves Unicorns. They’re delicious.




Katie Stevens

Mike: sassy, cute and a set of pipes to boot! She has the creepy internet predator vote in the bag.

Serafina: One of the best! The girls are tough this year but I think she is one of the ones to beat. Plus she has her Alzheimer Granny. A sick relative is always a good sign for an AI contestant. Remember Dave Cook? Need I say more? No?

Jesse: Too young to be bangable? Nah.




Lacey Brown

Mike: she lost a sing-off last year to Megan Corkrey. That certainly doesn't bode well.

Serafina: I like her. She’s not as annoying as she looks. I think she might go far.

Jesse: Striking resemblance to Gozer the Gozerian.







Lee Dewyze

Mike: Taylor Hicks meets Chris Daughtry in a dark alley with a double-sided dildo and a jar of mayonnaise.

Serafina: Sucks so bad. SO BAD!

Jesse: Terrible name. Absolutely terrible.







Lilly Scott

Mike: her quirky jazzy voice doesn't stand a chance against the proverbial "big dogs" in this year's comp. Basically she is just the more competent, less hot version of Megan Joy.

Serafina: Big Gray is fine by me!

Jesse: Albino mass murderer? Probably.







Big Mike

Mike: I can't help but root for this lovable lug. Even after dropping a brutal suplex on Ellen he is still the most likable contestant of the bunch.

Serafina: Did I ever mention along with a healthy attraction to Indians and young boys I also enjoy big jolly black men? Well I do.

Jesse: Enjoyed his work in The Green Mile.






Michelle Delamor

Mike: sorry, Michelle but I don't really remember you either except that you were the only girl in Faith that didn't get a solo. Maybe I should do less drugs. Probably not though.

Serafina: Ehh... A Rod is cuter.

Jesse: Lil’ bit Janet, Lil’ bit Whitney.








Paige Miles

Mike: represents the "great black hope" as the only African American female not singing pop-country. Can she redeem the spectacular failure that was last year's Lil Rounds?

Serafina: Who? She was barely on this week, so how am I supposed to know? Simon thinks she’s better then she knows, but maybe she thinks she sucks...

Jesse: This name seems backwards.







Siobhan Magnus

Mike: wow. her name makes her sound like a character from a novel that liberally mixes high fantasy with dry, boring sci-fi.

Serafina: Ugliest singer of all time, she sounds OK though, just looks like it hurts a lot.

Jesse: Unrequited love for Jesus.








Tim Urban

Mike: unremarkable. except for that helmet of hair! jeezus! how much aquanet is in THAT thing?

Serafina: He’s OK. This Michael J. Fox look-alike has great potential, just don’t fuck up.

Jesse: Between Hanson and Jonus. Mmm… nope.







Toderick Hall

Mike: theater guy with more stage presence than the rest of the field combined. If a dude wins this year it will be him. That said, a dude probably won't win this year.

Serafina: This trained dancer and untrained vocalist is tops on my list! When I hear his name I think of a building full of vampires and violins, I think it’s a good thing...right?

Jesse: Best or worst name? Not sure.







Tyler Grady

Mike: great. now we have to endure more of his goofy faux-60s wannabe rock n roller shananigans. We can only hope he pulls an actual Jim Morrison, gets shit-faced during a live performance and pisses all over the 14-year-olds in the front row.

Serafina: Another q-t.

Jesse: Death by autoerotic asphyxiation likely.