While cruising through Jesco's stash of unusual kitty porn I came across this little gem. I really feel that it semi-accurately sums up season 9 so far. We have three contestants that range from totally passable to pretty badass week after week while the rest of the would-be Idols, a hapless mass of mediocrity, continue to stink up the stage and make Simon wish he had bailed one year earlier.
I was all set to give everyone an individual grade this week, having missed last week altogether, stumbling around Southern California in a drunken haze, but after viewing the episode I can't really justify such a post. So with all that said, here is my take on last night and the unrelenting disappointment that is AI season 9:
Bowersox
B+
Hippie shit but fairly high quality hippie shit.
Big Mike
A
Mediocre song choice. Good execution. This grade is really more for totally making Miley Cyrus cum in her cut-offs just by making eye-contact with her while singing a sappy ballad. So G it's not even funny.
A
Mediocre song choice. Good execution. This grade is really more for totally making Miley Cyrus cum in her cut-offs just by making eye-contact with her while singing a sappy ballad. So G it's not even funny.
Magnus
B-
Not as good as last week but still easily better than pretty much anything else. Plus, when she wears her glasses, Magnus has a weird nerdy-awkward-hot vibe going on... and she's obviously a screamer. Just sayin'.
B-
Not as good as last week but still easily better than pretty much anything else. Plus, when she wears her glasses, Magnus has a weird nerdy-awkward-hot vibe going on... and she's obviously a screamer. Just sayin'.
The Field
F-
Seriously? The rest of the contestants must have confused rays with beams 'cause they are getting a big fat F minus for their collective trouble. Bad song choices across the board + extreme pitchiness + awkward stage presence = bad episode. 'Nuff said.
F-
Seriously? The rest of the contestants must have confused rays with beams 'cause they are getting a big fat F minus for their collective trouble. Bad song choices across the board + extreme pitchiness + awkward stage presence = bad episode. 'Nuff said.
It's hard to single out one really spectacularly horrible performance among so much unadulterated drivel, but if I was a betting man I would bet on Paige to be heading home. Brutally croaking her way through back-to-back horrific song choices doesn't bode well. Then again, America is weird. So who knows?
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