Sorry for the late post, kids! The first week of the top 36 karaoke smackdown has come and gone and here I am, just now posting my grades for the week! Just to let you all know - my grades were given on the night of the performance with the results show having no baring on my grading process. Week one was pretty abysmal if you ask me. bad song choices and sub-par performances abounded! Now, let's get to it!
Jackie Tohn
Wild-woman-out-of-control routine not enough to make up for shoddy vox and bad song choice.
Grade: D+
Wild-woman-out-of-control routine not enough to make up for shoddy vox and bad song choice.
Grade: D+
Ricky Braddy
Ricky has a nice voice and handles his song well. Unfortunately Ricky is totally boring and so is his song. Oops!
Grade: B-
Ricky has a nice voice and handles his song well. Unfortunately Ricky is totally boring and so is his song. Oops!
Grade: B-
Alexis Grace
"dirtied" it up and turned into a late 80s punk rock hooker which is kinda hot. She does a very nice rendition of "Never Loved a Man". Simon licks her taint.
Grade: B+
"dirtied" it up and turned into a late 80s punk rock hooker which is kinda hot. She does a very nice rendition of "Never Loved a Man". Simon licks her taint.
Grade: B+
Brent Keith
He's a little bit country! He's a lot bit boring and lame! It's a good thing he enjoys life in a "hick town" 'cause that's right where he's headed back to.
Grade: D
He's a little bit country! He's a lot bit boring and lame! It's a good thing he enjoys life in a "hick town" 'cause that's right where he's headed back to.
Grade: D
Stevie "Ugly Jessica Biel" Wright
Totally blew some tweener pop anthem that was completely wrong for her. Nice.
Grade: F
Totally blew some tweener pop anthem that was completely wrong for her. Nice.
Grade: F
Anoop Desai
While I don't suck this dudes balls as much as my cohort, Juice Box, I do think he has a pretty good voice and a fun personality. That said, he mentions "bringing the energy" and then proceeds to sing a boring ballad. Nice adult contempo song choice, bro!
Grade: C
While I don't suck this dudes balls as much as my cohort, Juice Box, I do think he has a pretty good voice and a fun personality. That said, he mentions "bringing the energy" and then proceeds to sing a boring ballad. Nice adult contempo song choice, bro!
Grade: C
Casey Carlson
She obliterates (massacres is far to kind a word) a song by the police (as expected) but the drummer in the house band does a kickass Stewart Copeland impression.
Grade: F
She obliterates (massacres is far to kind a word) a song by the police (as expected) but the drummer in the house band does a kickass Stewart Copeland impression.
Grade: F
Michael Sarver
Fan-favorite oil rig roughneck dude picks a song that he has no business singing (but that coincidentally has been stuck in my head ever since). He has good energy but the vocals are completely sub-par.
Grade: D+
Fan-favorite oil rig roughneck dude picks a song that he has no business singing (but that coincidentally has been stuck in my head ever since). He has good energy but the vocals are completely sub-par.
Grade: D+
Anne Marie Boskavitch
This unremarkable chick provides us with a hefty dose of mediocre karaoke-style blase singing. Ugh.
Grade: D
This unremarkable chick provides us with a hefty dose of mediocre karaoke-style blase singing. Ugh.
Grade: D
Stephen Fowler
I like this dude but he keeps fucking up! First be forgets lyrics during hell week and unprofessionally walks off stage, now he commits Idol seppuku in the first round by choosing an MJ song! Seriously, dude. You done fucked up once too many.
Grade: D
I like this dude but he keeps fucking up! First be forgets lyrics during hell week and unprofessionally walks off stage, now he commits Idol seppuku in the first round by choosing an MJ song! Seriously, dude. You done fucked up once too many.
Grade: D
Tatiana Del Toro
The contestant that Juice Box lovingly refers to as "Crazy Horse" does a half-way decent job of singing her song. It's just a shame that her "boring" personality showed up instead of her "insane as a shit-house rat" personality, ruining her chance at slipping through on novelty votes.
Grade: C+
The contestant that Juice Box lovingly refers to as "Crazy Horse" does a half-way decent job of singing her song. It's just a shame that her "boring" personality showed up instead of her "insane as a shit-house rat" personality, ruining her chance at slipping through on novelty votes.
Grade: C+
Danny "Dead Wife Guy" Gokey
Danny picks a hard song and nails it... judges love it... yadda yadda yadda... proving the age-old AI equation:
Sob Story + Good Voice = Shoe-in
Grade: B+
So there you have it! That was the way I scored it last Tuesday. Let's see how America did...
Danny picks a hard song and nails it... judges love it... yadda yadda yadda... proving the age-old AI equation:
Sob Story + Good Voice = Shoe-in
Grade: B+
So there you have it! That was the way I scored it last Tuesday. Let's see how America did...
Ya done pritty good, Amurica!
Alexis grace and Danny Gokey were obvious picks, with America predictably imbibing their balls along with the judges. Roughneck Mike was given another chance due to his likability and the fact that he is actually a much stronger vocalist than last week's performance would indicate, edging out Anoop (much to the chagrin of Juice Box). I could still see Anoop or perhaps Ricky Braddy advancing as wild cards, although the judges affinity for bailing out Stephen Fowler gives me a glimmer of hope that he will live on to fuck up another performance and shoot himself in the foot again. But that is a story for another day.
America's Grade: A
Keep up the good work! See y'all Wednesday morning!
Alexis grace and Danny Gokey were obvious picks, with America predictably imbibing their balls along with the judges. Roughneck Mike was given another chance due to his likability and the fact that he is actually a much stronger vocalist than last week's performance would indicate, edging out Anoop (much to the chagrin of Juice Box). I could still see Anoop or perhaps Ricky Braddy advancing as wild cards, although the judges affinity for bailing out Stephen Fowler gives me a glimmer of hope that he will live on to fuck up another performance and shoot himself in the foot again. But that is a story for another day.
America's Grade: A
Keep up the good work! See y'all Wednesday morning!
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