Group two has sung and all I can say is I continue to be thoroughly underwhelmed. After last week I honestly thought it couldn't get much worse but I was wrong. So very wrong. More horrible "what were they thinking?" song choices led to more bad singing which led to me scratching my head and thinking Simon was being, on the whole, too kind. We'll have to wait for tonight to see how America did, but here's how I scored 'em:
Jasmine Murray
Bad song choice leads inevitably to disaster. She almost pulls it out a bit in the bridge but sings ugly and only manages to beat the living shit out of Sara Bareilles' "Love Song", which even that crappy tune doesn't deserve (I personally favor the Kids Bop version).
Grade: D
Bad song choice leads inevitably to disaster. She almost pulls it out a bit in the bridge but sings ugly and only manages to beat the living shit out of Sara Bareilles' "Love Song", which even that crappy tune doesn't deserve (I personally favor the Kids Bop version).
Grade: D
Matt Giraud
Chooses a weird song for him and informs the judges that this is the kind of music he sees himself doing. Good luck with that. He sings it weak and his only hope at this point is a wild card spot based on his Hell week performances.
Grade: C-
Chooses a weird song for him and informs the judges that this is the kind of music he sees himself doing. Good luck with that. He sings it weak and his only hope at this point is a wild card spot based on his Hell week performances.
Grade: C-
Jeanine Vailes
Sure she can crush a human skull like a walnut between her thighs but her vocals are horrendous! Another bad song choice and a pitchy performance. Ugh.
Grade: D
Sure she can crush a human skull like a walnut between her thighs but her vocals are horrendous! Another bad song choice and a pitchy performance. Ugh.
Grade: D
Norman Gentle
Boldly does the only thing he can do to give him any shot of getting through and hams it up to magnificent effect. Sure he blows the vocals, but the performance is top notch and probably one of the best things I've seen on Idol ever! Simon pleads with the American public not to let Norman through so his only shot at this point is probably the Vote For The Worst people. I seriously want to see this dude make it into the top 12 just to see what he does week after week - it would be like the entertaining version of Sanjaya! My grade in this case is for overall entertainment value (and getting Seacrest to nearly snap and secrete a little dose of venom).
Grade: B-
Boldly does the only thing he can do to give him any shot of getting through and hams it up to magnificent effect. Sure he blows the vocals, but the performance is top notch and probably one of the best things I've seen on Idol ever! Simon pleads with the American public not to let Norman through so his only shot at this point is probably the Vote For The Worst people. I seriously want to see this dude make it into the top 12 just to see what he does week after week - it would be like the entertaining version of Sanjaya! My grade in this case is for overall entertainment value (and getting Seacrest to nearly snap and secrete a little dose of venom).
Grade: B-
Allison Irahetta
Chooses a big song and almost totally slays it. She still sings the shit out of Heart's "Alone" easily winning the title of best performance of the night. If America doesn't vote her through then America is retarded.
Grade: B+
Chooses a big song and almost totally slays it. She still sings the shit out of Heart's "Alone" easily winning the title of best performance of the night. If America doesn't vote her through then America is retarded.
Grade: B+
Kris Allen
Oh no! Not MJ!!!! Isn't someone telling these kids not to choose these kiss-of-death songs? Like some kind of vocal director or something? There should be. For everyones sake! The judges (other than Kara) like him. I agree with Kara.
Grade: C-
Oh no! Not MJ!!!! Isn't someone telling these kids not to choose these kiss-of-death songs? Like some kind of vocal director or something? There should be. For everyones sake! The judges (other than Kara) like him. I agree with Kara.
Grade: C-
Megan Corkrey
Hot mom picks a good song but struggles a little and the performance is slightly awkward. Still clearly head and shoulders above most of the field. She better get the third spot for fear of losing yet another hottie. Come on America! Do we really want an ugly top 12? I know I don't. If she misses the cut, look for her as a wild card contender, as the judges are fond of licking her taint.
Grade: B-
Hot mom picks a good song but struggles a little and the performance is slightly awkward. Still clearly head and shoulders above most of the field. She better get the third spot for fear of losing yet another hottie. Come on America! Do we really want an ugly top 12? I know I don't. If she misses the cut, look for her as a wild card contender, as the judges are fond of licking her taint.
Grade: B-
Matt "Bald Bull" Breitzke
"Me sing kinda boring Tonic song. Judges no like song choice. No lick taint. Me no care. Me love Tonic! Me sing song again if me have chance! Me grind Simon's limey bones to make me bread! America vote for me if America know what good for it! Me go listen to Tonic CD and cry now."
Grade: C
"Me sing kinda boring Tonic song. Judges no like song choice. No lick taint. Me no care. Me love Tonic! Me sing song again if me have chance! Me grind Simon's limey bones to make me bread! America vote for me if America know what good for it! Me go listen to Tonic CD and cry now."
Grade: C
Jesse Langseth
Oh shit! Half of her sweater fell off! That's gotta be awkward on live tv. She sings okay in kind of a laid-back old school manner. Bad ending. Forgettable.
Grade: C+
Oh shit! Half of her sweater fell off! That's gotta be awkward on live tv. She sings okay in kind of a laid-back old school manner. Bad ending. Forgettable.
Grade: C+
Kai Kalama
Serviceable but forgettable. Sings a throwbacky song and seems to be lacking in energy. Maybe try not taking a blunt to the dome next time, bra! For now I think you'll be hangin' ten back to San Clamente to toke up with your sick mom. Buuuuummmmerrrr.
Grade: C
Serviceable but forgettable. Sings a throwbacky song and seems to be lacking in energy. Maybe try not taking a blunt to the dome next time, bra! For now I think you'll be hangin' ten back to San Clamente to toke up with your sick mom. Buuuuummmmerrrr.
Grade: C
Mishavonna Henson
Handles the verse but struggles with the hook of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" as if she can't quite figure out how she wants to sing it. Good in the low register, Mishavonna's obvious weak point is the higher stuff which could be a big problem for her. That said, she could easily find her way into a wild card spot.
Grade: C+
Handles the verse but struggles with the hook of Train's "Drops of Jupiter" as if she can't quite figure out how she wants to sing it. Good in the low register, Mishavonna's obvious weak point is the higher stuff which could be a big problem for her. That said, she could easily find her way into a wild card spot.
Grade: C+
Adam Lambert
Juice Box's least favorite contestant (for whatever totally random reason) makes an iffy song choice and manages to pull out a pretty good performance. The arrangement is great, showcasing his range and ambitious vocal style. I particularly dug the funky breakdown (although he never quite got into the right vocal groove during that section) and the slow burn intro. At the end of the day I agree with Simon that the song had moments of greatness alternating with moments of lameness as Adam shows that he definitely has chops but fails to hit a complete homerun.
Grade: B+
So there you have it, kids! Another overall disappointing night of karaoke and another fairly easy pick as to who is gonna make it into the Top 12. My official prediction is as follows:
Top Dude: Adam Lambert
Top Chick: Allison Irahetta
Runner Up: Megan Corkrey
(with Norman gentle, Jesse Langseth and Mishavonna as possible spoilers)
Stay tuned for YOUR grade, America!
Juice Box's least favorite contestant (for whatever totally random reason) makes an iffy song choice and manages to pull out a pretty good performance. The arrangement is great, showcasing his range and ambitious vocal style. I particularly dug the funky breakdown (although he never quite got into the right vocal groove during that section) and the slow burn intro. At the end of the day I agree with Simon that the song had moments of greatness alternating with moments of lameness as Adam shows that he definitely has chops but fails to hit a complete homerun.
Grade: B+
So there you have it, kids! Another overall disappointing night of karaoke and another fairly easy pick as to who is gonna make it into the Top 12. My official prediction is as follows:
Top Dude: Adam Lambert
Top Chick: Allison Irahetta
Runner Up: Megan Corkrey
(with Norman gentle, Jesse Langseth and Mishavonna as possible spoilers)
Stay tuned for YOUR grade, America!
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