With Hell week come and gone and only 24 singers left standing, Idol has finally gone live and we can get down to the serious business of pure, unadulterated karaoke smackdownery. Why is it, though, that this round is always such a trainwreck? The performances tend to fluctuate between disappointing and infuriating as contestant after hapless contestant make song choices that are absolutely criminal and fail to live up to their respective potentials.
This year the pressure has been alleviated somewhat since last season's more brutal (and exciting) format has been jettisoned for the kinder gentler elimination process of season 7, but that is no excuse for some of the stinkers that were laid upon America last night. Simon has gone on record saying that the chicks have it in the bag this year and the mighty vag got the opportunity to flex it's labia first (the evidently hapless boys are up this evening) to mostly unsatisfying results. But enough of this tedious generalization! Let us take a closer look at what the ladies had to offer:
Paige Miles
All Right Now
This chick has a good voice. Decent control, good tone and a fair amount of power, but this song is all kinds of wrong for her. Trying to soul up a straightforward arrangement of a classic rock tune with a low key hook is an exercise in futility but she will survive to sing again.
A-Rod
Happy
Reaches for a huge song and fails miserably as the selection completely exposes her weaknesses and does her strengths no favors, sounding awkward and pitchy throughout. Randy, Ellen and Kara try to tell her this without hurting her feelings and come off sounding lame. Simon tears her down, aptly calls the song "clumsy" and thinks she's in trouble. I think he's right.
Happy
Reaches for a huge song and fails miserably as the selection completely exposes her weaknesses and does her strengths no favors, sounding awkward and pitchy throughout. Randy, Ellen and Kara try to tell her this without hurting her feelings and come off sounding lame. Simon tears her down, aptly calls the song "clumsy" and thinks she's in trouble. I think he's right.
Janell Wheeler
What About Love
Why does everyone seem to choose a horrible karaoke song in this round? Seriously? wtf? Boring straightforward arrangement, sloppy execution and vocals that aren't up to the challenge add up to 10 lbs of bad in a 5 lbs bag. Despite all of this, Simon uses the Jedi mind trick to spare her elimination. Maybe because she's hot? I dunno. I can't figure this one out.
What About Love
Why does everyone seem to choose a horrible karaoke song in this round? Seriously? wtf? Boring straightforward arrangement, sloppy execution and vocals that aren't up to the challenge add up to 10 lbs of bad in a 5 lbs bag. Despite all of this, Simon uses the Jedi mind trick to spare her elimination. Maybe because she's hot? I dunno. I can't figure this one out.
Big Grey
Fixing A Hole
Big Grey (who seriously dwarfs Seacrest) kicks off a Beatles block and gets bonus points for being the first girl to pick a song that is good for her and actually bring something somewhat original to the table. She has a sort of pitchy flat quality but it doesn't really work to her disadvantage but its all still a bit awkward and I can't really see her winning it all.
Fixing A Hole
Big Grey (who seriously dwarfs Seacrest) kicks off a Beatles block and gets bonus points for being the first girl to pick a song that is good for her and actually bring something somewhat original to the table. She has a sort of pitchy flat quality but it doesn't really work to her disadvantage but its all still a bit awkward and I can't really see her winning it all.
Katelyn Epperly
Oh! Darling
Hey! That was the song I did at Idol auditions. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I did it a little better. If only my dad had recently picked up and left! Oh well. She actually does a serviceable, if safe and predictable rendition but fails to include the little falsetto flourish and therefore cops out. Strictly middle-of-the-road fare.
Oh! Darling
Hey! That was the song I did at Idol auditions. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I did it a little better. If only my dad had recently picked up and left! Oh well. She actually does a serviceable, if safe and predictable rendition but fails to include the little falsetto flourish and therefore cops out. Strictly middle-of-the-road fare.
Haeley Vaughn
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
She gets bonus points for going with old school Beatles and the arrangement starts out interesting but the performance borders on screechy at times and the vocal is all over the place throughout much of the song. There are, however, some nice parts here and there. Evidently Haeley goes to POOTER High. Seriously? That's not a joke? Jeezus.
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
She gets bonus points for going with old school Beatles and the arrangement starts out interesting but the performance borders on screechy at times and the vocal is all over the place throughout much of the song. There are, however, some nice parts here and there. Evidently Haeley goes to POOTER High. Seriously? That's not a joke? Jeezus.
Gozer the Destructor
Landslide
Wow. Really really terrible. She somehow manages to sound more like a bleating goat than Stevie and more nasal and obnoxious than Billy while exhibiting horrible time and questionable pitch. Kara tries to use the Jedi mind trick but she is no Jedi. Sorry, Goz. Looks like the end of the line.
Landslide
Wow. Really really terrible. She somehow manages to sound more like a bleating goat than Stevie and more nasal and obnoxious than Billy while exhibiting horrible time and questionable pitch. Kara tries to use the Jedi mind trick but she is no Jedi. Sorry, Goz. Looks like the end of the line.
Michelle Delamor
Falling
This chick is the epitome of "solid". She churns out a very straightforward, predictable version of the song but manages it well, if not as well as Miss Keys. Kara is right though that the whole affair is rather vapid.
Falling
This chick is the epitome of "solid". She churns out a very straightforward, predictable version of the song but manages it well, if not as well as Miss Keys. Kara is right though that the whole affair is rather vapid.
Didi Benami
The Way I Am
The song is a bit boring and sounds slightly off-pitch the entire time but I actually dig Didi (and she is still the contestant that I most want to bone) as her voice is a nice combination of conventional and unique. Ellen has a good point though, that this selection sounds more like album filler than a breakout hit.
The Way I Am
The song is a bit boring and sounds slightly off-pitch the entire time but I actually dig Didi (and she is still the contestant that I most want to bone) as her voice is a nice combination of conventional and unique. Ellen has a good point though, that this selection sounds more like album filler than a breakout hit.
Siobhan Magnus
Wicked Game
Resident weirdo, Siobhan is revealed to be an apprentice glass blower. Of course she is. It's also even money that she owns several corsets and frequents ren faires. Her song choice is strange but she actually pulls it off. The judges, however, are going to hound her until she pulls something out on par with her day 4 hell week performance. Guess you shouldn't have set the bar so high for yourself, Magnus. Still, she has what is probably the best voice of the bunch and a lot of potential.
Wicked Game
Resident weirdo, Siobhan is revealed to be an apprentice glass blower. Of course she is. It's also even money that she owns several corsets and frequents ren faires. Her song choice is strange but she actually pulls it off. The judges, however, are going to hound her until she pulls something out on par with her day 4 hell week performance. Guess you shouldn't have set the bar so high for yourself, Magnus. Still, she has what is probably the best voice of the bunch and a lot of potential.
Crystal Bowersox
Hand in my Pocket
She is good and the song suits her hippie vibe but it isn't a particularly impressive or original affair. Fortunately for her, the one-woman-band act is enough to make people remember her and secure her a position in the top 12, barring some sort of epic crash and/or burn in the second or third round of prelims.
Hand in my Pocket
She is good and the song suits her hippie vibe but it isn't a particularly impressive or original affair. Fortunately for her, the one-woman-band act is enough to make people remember her and secure her a position in the top 12, barring some sort of epic crash and/or burn in the second or third round of prelims.
Katie Stevens
Feelin' Good
Little Katie has a lot of potential, none of which was on display last night. Every year someone decides to sing this song despite the fact that it is completely wrong for them. This year that person is Katie who kind of awkwardly moans her way through the vocal and does some silly dance moves. Hopefully America will give her a chance to "be 17", as the judges implored.
Feelin' Good
Little Katie has a lot of potential, none of which was on display last night. Every year someone decides to sing this song despite the fact that it is completely wrong for them. This year that person is Katie who kind of awkwardly moans her way through the vocal and does some silly dance moves. Hopefully America will give her a chance to "be 17", as the judges implored.
Next up: Fina's take on the top 12 guys round 1! Stay tuned...
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1 comment:
Can I just say how upset I am that all these jerks keep singing my karaoke songs, but fucking them up?? With the exception of Feelin' Good, which in my opinion was fucking amazing, these bastards are killing my karaoke favs! God Bless the Child? Awful! Change Gonna Come? BORING!! Get it together people!!
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