Let me start off this post by admitting freely that I did not watch Idol last night. I decided since the show sucks so ludicrously hard this season that it would be more entertaining to round up some of my cohorts, head down to ye olde karaoke bar and have our own smackdown. Needless to say it proved to be endlessly more entertaining than anything AI has offered us all year. Here are some highlights:
Jake Quickel
We Don't Need Another Hero
Jake is a living legend. When he sung this song I literally felt like I was beyond Thunderdome. I suddenly had the urge to save a bunch of scrubby outback scamps. It was weird. But weird in the best way possible.
Katie and Jake
I'm All Out Of Love
Have you ever seen a grown ass man burst into tears at a karaoke bar? Neither have I but if it happened this would be the cause. So much raw emotion. So much unadulterated sadness. So much cheap vodka in Katie's flask.
Nick "Ronnie James" Emerson
Holy Diver
Nick reached into his wheelhouse and pulled forth his Dio gem much to the delight of the entire bar. Watching Nick head bang is like watching two majestic lions make sweet sweet love on acid. Whether it is the lions or the observers who are on acid remains to be seen.
Yours Truly
Runnaround Sue
I'm not gonna lie. I was fucking amazing. I would have fucked me after this performance. I thoroughly molested an inflatable saxophone while on stage too. Now you are kicking yourself 'cause your dumbass was watching AI instead of witnessing karaoke history being made. Sucks to be you.
Me vs. Katie
Billy Joel's hits Only The Good Die Young and I Go To Extremes
An epic showdown to say the least. Like Adam vs. Kris but way less gay and way more Joelerific. The jury is still out on who won but by the end of the affair we were both covered in gorilla hair, blood and some unidentified clearish liquid.
Everyone
End Of The Road
Boyz 2 who?
Maybe AI should take a hint from us and get the contestants good and liquored up before they sing. Could you imagine a blacked out Big Mike attacking Seacrest mid-song, slinging him over his shoulder and running around the stage? I am imagining it right now and let me tell you, it is glorious. I recommend a 40 of Old English 800, 4 budweisers and like, half a flask of cheap vodka on the DL. That would certainly shake things up. I mean, they've already had bagpipes, they might as well just go for it.
Oh and Tim Urban evidently got voted off. Maybe Juice Box was right and Satan (or as I like to call him, Justin Bieber) finally had enough. Bummer, Timmy. I really thought you had it in you to go all the way on the backs of a million vaginas. Oh well.
We Don't Need Another Hero
Jake is a living legend. When he sung this song I literally felt like I was beyond Thunderdome. I suddenly had the urge to save a bunch of scrubby outback scamps. It was weird. But weird in the best way possible.
Katie and Jake
I'm All Out Of Love
Have you ever seen a grown ass man burst into tears at a karaoke bar? Neither have I but if it happened this would be the cause. So much raw emotion. So much unadulterated sadness. So much cheap vodka in Katie's flask.
Nick "Ronnie James" Emerson
Holy Diver
Nick reached into his wheelhouse and pulled forth his Dio gem much to the delight of the entire bar. Watching Nick head bang is like watching two majestic lions make sweet sweet love on acid. Whether it is the lions or the observers who are on acid remains to be seen.
Yours Truly
Runnaround Sue
I'm not gonna lie. I was fucking amazing. I would have fucked me after this performance. I thoroughly molested an inflatable saxophone while on stage too. Now you are kicking yourself 'cause your dumbass was watching AI instead of witnessing karaoke history being made. Sucks to be you.
Me vs. Katie
Billy Joel's hits Only The Good Die Young and I Go To Extremes
An epic showdown to say the least. Like Adam vs. Kris but way less gay and way more Joelerific. The jury is still out on who won but by the end of the affair we were both covered in gorilla hair, blood and some unidentified clearish liquid.
Everyone
End Of The Road
Boyz 2 who?
Maybe AI should take a hint from us and get the contestants good and liquored up before they sing. Could you imagine a blacked out Big Mike attacking Seacrest mid-song, slinging him over his shoulder and running around the stage? I am imagining it right now and let me tell you, it is glorious. I recommend a 40 of Old English 800, 4 budweisers and like, half a flask of cheap vodka on the DL. That would certainly shake things up. I mean, they've already had bagpipes, they might as well just go for it.
Oh and Tim Urban evidently got voted off. Maybe Juice Box was right and Satan (or as I like to call him, Justin Bieber) finally had enough. Bummer, Timmy. I really thought you had it in you to go all the way on the backs of a million vaginas. Oh well.
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