This week I was fortunate enough to watch the results show without sound, subtitles only. Maybe there is a god!? Or just the Dark Lord at work. I digress, the "special" guest performance looked horrendous and when I checked my DVR for confirmation, I was correct.
I will explain my reaction in pictures:
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Awfulness #1: Jason D-something – I’m pretty sure this song is about a blow job, and I’m pretty certain it did not deserve a slow black and white mini breakdown. This is going down in my head as a horrible song and performance. This guys eyebrows really creep me out, they're like floating furry, shiny caterpillars.
Archie is still awkward and it was sickening watching Rihanna trying to head bang like a rock star. Maybe she was just trying to show off her "good hair".
Big Mike! No! Not Big Mike!!!!!
America what are you thinking!? I have been speaking to the power of the baby va-jay-jays but seriously. Come on. I mean even Miley was able to look past the puppy dog eyes and see the beauty in the big black man! Even wonder boy Tim Urban looked like he had enough of America's shenanigans. Perhaps this show has jumped the shark but Tim needs to go home now, it's like the Hawaiian chick. Enough is enough.
The Big Save
They had to save Big Mike. He is one of the better performers and he is magic. I'm sure America will start to vote for him cause they realized they fucked up. And his wife made sure of it. After he was saved she gave America a look that could not be mistaken for anything but a threat. She ain't fuckin' around America, so I suggest (again) you stop fuckin' around, America and get yo shit together....America!
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