Last night I sat down prepared with a Pepsi throwback. I felt like a real life judge but cooler with a superior cola drink, but I digress. As I watched the AI auditions, in one of my favorite cities of all time, I found my expectations not met. There was some good talent and some really awkward folks, but dull compared to the retardedly long episodes of last week. Perhaps we are just desensitized to it all...
Chi town guest judge, Shania Twain, was a pleasant surprise. I thought she would be like her music, superficial, meaningless girl power malarkey. To my astonishment, I found Mrs. Twain to be somewhat vicious compared to guest judges of the past. She was like, "no bro" a few times, and with no remorse! You go Shania Twain! Way to lay the smack down and kill those fragile dream of the weird youth.
I was a bit taken aback with Shania's obsession with John Park. According to the country music star, Park has a beautiful bottom, nice lips and a good head! Girl, you dirty!
Charity Vance grew up in the real life Steel Magnolias, minus the severe diabetes I hope!
Both of her parents are hairdressers and work side by side, everyday! When Charity is not auditioning for AI she's obsessively bleaching her hair and slanging Christmas albums with her mother on an Asian website. Good for you!
Meet Paige Dechausse. She almost died from an asthma attack 6 YEARS AGO! These sorry attempts at sob stories are getting a bit ridiculous! It's OK if someone is "normal" without an interesting back story. Any-who, she sounded out of breath and just OK. I found this video Hot and Nasty. Unfortunately, the only nasty thing about it is the horrible camera positioning. She sounds better in this video. I can't wait to see her and her inhaler in Hell Week.
Angela Martin Is Back!
Finally an old school sob story I can get behind! This is the 3rd time A.M. has auditioned for AI. This poor girls father died a few days before she left for Hollywood. Then she gets a warrant for a traffic ticket and can't go on in the competition! Pull it together A.M! You can do it! Soon you will be driven around in a Ford something or other. All you gotta do is shamelessly sing about how great it is! Simon loves this girl! He liked her so much he physced-her-mind-made-her-booty-shine and jokingly said no to her audition! Oh Simon, you so crazy!
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