Good-day my good people! I hope this blog finds you well. The second, slightly less long AI episode, taking auditions to Atlanta gave us the highly talented artists Mary J. Blige as guest judge! Finally someone who can actually sing.
Ahh Mary J! What can I say? One day, Mary J. was feeling down and let all her frustrations and pain out in a mall karaoke-type booth, the next thing she knew she was making albums. True story. As the second Paula sit-in, this lady was great. She wasn't afraid to tell contestants that they were no good, she gave solid feedback to those who would listen (ahem, Lamar Royal) and she did her best to keep her laughter under wraps. And if her best wasn't very good, who can blame her?
Laughter is kind of like breaking the seal during a night of drinking, once you start peeing you're in the privy every 20 minutes. Who broke Mary's seal? None other than death dodgin' hillbilly extraordinaire Jesse Hamilton. Again, you can't blame poor Mary for almost dying of laughter in the presence of this poor guy. Kara didn't help the situation either, trying to convince the hapless Hill Bill that Mary was upset. I would comment on the fact that this attempt to pass ridicule off as heartache is more insulting than the ridicule itself but who are we kidding? That's like calling a baby ugly - he don't know what you're saying!
Mary's judging style is a cross between all of the current judges. She laughs in the face of bad singers, tells them to bounce and gives good comments when someone can actually sing. She doesn't say mo-tarded shit like, "I want to know what it's like to go shopping with you" or "I like you." By the way, lots of people like me, if they ever went shopping with me they would hate me! So in all seriousness, how do either of those comments belong on Idol? I know I'm harping on last years shit but come on! Then again, I can't sing so maybe she is right.
I must say I do feel refreshed after AI 2010 week 1, don't you? That 3.5 hours of musical mystery hit the spot. The parade of hippies, hillbillies, child sister-brides, costume crazies, Italians and weak sob stories brought a raging joy back into my life.
All in all this week was not just quality but high quality! Though the sob stories were MIA for the most part (the only real one was the best friends forever girls who will no longer be best friends forever because the hotter more talented half is on her way to Hell week -- where she will fail!) there were definitely priceless people, both who can't sing and who can. To be honest I was somewhat relieved by the lack of sob stories this first week. Last season was bridled with sob stories of every persuasion to exhausting effect. America has had enough lamentations!
A few of my top pics from week one are as follows, in no particular order:
Clown Prince of Atlanta, otherwise known as Skii Bo Ski, reminds me of the Genie from Aladdin. Along with having a strikingly similar jawline, it seems Clown Prince also has genie-like powers. After all, Creepy Crooner's wish did come true.
I also really dug Leah "religion stole my youth" Laurenti. I thought she sounded great through the sobs. I found a youtube video she posted today, for your enjoyment.
I just want to satisfy ya!? Love me now or ill go crazy? Someone call the police, this lady has broken free from the chains of ridiculous religious restraints and is poised to "go wild"!
Well it seems the video posted above is no longer working so here is her audition. I like her, especially after listening to this again.
Last but certainly not least is bridge jumpin' lady hillbilly, Vanessa Wolfe. Love it. Like the Crooner said, you can't get more authentic than Vanessa Billy. However, comparing her to Corkery is grotesque! She is nothing like that one note wonder. Take it back Crooner, TAKE IT BACK! I hope she survives Hweek to live another AI day. That is my wish Clown Prince, let it be known!
That's all for now my sons, as I am off to do some research in Las Vegas. I hope to come back with interesting tales from sin city, oh wait...
Ahh Mary J! What can I say? One day, Mary J. was feeling down and let all her frustrations and pain out in a mall karaoke-type booth, the next thing she knew she was making albums. True story. As the second Paula sit-in, this lady was great. She wasn't afraid to tell contestants that they were no good, she gave solid feedback to those who would listen (ahem, Lamar Royal) and she did her best to keep her laughter under wraps. And if her best wasn't very good, who can blame her?
Laughter is kind of like breaking the seal during a night of drinking, once you start peeing you're in the privy every 20 minutes. Who broke Mary's seal? None other than death dodgin' hillbilly extraordinaire Jesse Hamilton. Again, you can't blame poor Mary for almost dying of laughter in the presence of this poor guy. Kara didn't help the situation either, trying to convince the hapless Hill Bill that Mary was upset. I would comment on the fact that this attempt to pass ridicule off as heartache is more insulting than the ridicule itself but who are we kidding? That's like calling a baby ugly - he don't know what you're saying!
Mary's judging style is a cross between all of the current judges. She laughs in the face of bad singers, tells them to bounce and gives good comments when someone can actually sing. She doesn't say mo-tarded shit like, "I want to know what it's like to go shopping with you" or "I like you." By the way, lots of people like me, if they ever went shopping with me they would hate me! So in all seriousness, how do either of those comments belong on Idol? I know I'm harping on last years shit but come on! Then again, I can't sing so maybe she is right.
I must say I do feel refreshed after AI 2010 week 1, don't you? That 3.5 hours of musical mystery hit the spot. The parade of hippies, hillbillies, child sister-brides, costume crazies, Italians and weak sob stories brought a raging joy back into my life.
All in all this week was not just quality but high quality! Though the sob stories were MIA for the most part (the only real one was the best friends forever girls who will no longer be best friends forever because the hotter more talented half is on her way to Hell week -- where she will fail!) there were definitely priceless people, both who can't sing and who can. To be honest I was somewhat relieved by the lack of sob stories this first week. Last season was bridled with sob stories of every persuasion to exhausting effect. America has had enough lamentations!
A few of my top pics from week one are as follows, in no particular order:
Clown Prince of Atlanta, otherwise known as Skii Bo Ski, reminds me of the Genie from Aladdin. Along with having a strikingly similar jawline, it seems Clown Prince also has genie-like powers. After all, Creepy Crooner's wish did come true.
I also really dug Leah "religion stole my youth" Laurenti. I thought she sounded great through the sobs. I found a youtube video she posted today, for your enjoyment.
I just want to satisfy ya!? Love me now or ill go crazy? Someone call the police, this lady has broken free from the chains of ridiculous religious restraints and is poised to "go wild"!
Well it seems the video posted above is no longer working so here is her audition. I like her, especially after listening to this again.
Last but certainly not least is bridge jumpin' lady hillbilly, Vanessa Wolfe. Love it. Like the Crooner said, you can't get more authentic than Vanessa Billy. However, comparing her to Corkery is grotesque! She is nothing like that one note wonder. Take it back Crooner, TAKE IT BACK! I hope she survives Hweek to live another AI day. That is my wish Clown Prince, let it be known!
That's all for now my sons, as I am off to do some research in Las Vegas. I hope to come back with interesting tales from sin city, oh wait...
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