See your future... BE your future

So as some of you may or may not have heard, this guy (the plucky British fellow to the right, that is) will be bidding a tear-choked "cheerio" to American Idol presumably forever come the end of this ninth season. The primary motivation behind this long-rumored jilting seems to be the opportunity to host a similar show called the X factor of which he will also serve as main producer (read: cash grab) but we here at IT have our suspicions that the old dog's departure is actually part of a secretive plot to reunite the original Idol judges on the new show, thus rendering the actual Idol unwatchable and superfluous. Whatever the case may be, Simon is leaving the building at season's end which leads us to the obvious question of who will succeed him at the judges table?

Sure, you could argue that with season 9 firing up tonight we should focus on the show at hand and not worry ourselves in the shadowy matters of the future, but the psychic in all of us (not to mention our good friend Miss Cleo) just won't hear of it. Plus, without a suitable replacement for Lord Cowell the show will surely loose its formerly stalwart popularity, eventually leaving America without a proper Idol and the IT staff without a proper way to waste time and avoid actual work!
So with that said, I would like to introduce a new feature: NEW JUDGE PREDICTIONS/SUGGESTIONS!!! That's right, Fox (and we know you read this blog) we're going to help you out a little here. As is widely renown, our crack staff has its collective finger on the pulse of America (and sometimes deep in its orifices) and thus, we believe that our opinion is not only applicable but absolutely necessary to the situation at hand. So here goes. You're welcome, clueless television executives.

prospective replacement: Sylvester Stallone as Judge Dredd
pros: already a judge; won't take shit from Seacrest; former experience with obnoxious goofy sidekick = immediate chemistry with the rest of the panel
cons: utterly unintelligible; fear/respect on the mean streets of Mega-City One may not translate to fear/respect from the tweeners of America; tendency to solve problems with violence and big guns could end badly for some of the kids; ruined a great comic book via one of history's worst films ever
Verdict: probably not the best choice at the end of the day. Sure, he is "the law" and he looks simply smashing in that metal codpiece, but alas the Judge is out mostly due to his total lack of music knowledge and the probability of Rob Schneider showing up.